Mikado Comes Out of the Closet
by MillyAshfordFan
Summary: In a world where seemingly everyone is homosexual, Mikado comes out of the closet as straight. A cracktastic oneshot.


**Mikado Comes Out of the Closet**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Durarara!**

**AN: **This was written for the Durarara Kink Meme. The summary is basically the prompt.**  
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><p>Mikado knew he wasn't normal.<p>

He knew it wasn't normal for a boy his age to have the feelings he did. He knew it wasn't normal to think the things he did when he touched himself at night.

He _tried_ to be normal. He truly did. He didn't _want _to be a freak for the rest of his life. He wanted to be like everyone else. But, unfortunately, it was becoming increasingly clear that he was different.

He liked girls.

He liked their big eyes and long eyelashes. He liked their soft curves and breasts. He liked how they smelled nice. He liked their smiles.

But, most of all, he could see himself with a girl.

Mikado could see himself holding hands with a girl, kissing a girl, taking her on dates and maybe whispering those three little words in her ear. He could never imagine himself with a guy that way no matter how hard he tried.

And he _did_ try.

He tried watching gay porn on his computer, but it never aroused him. Whenever he stroked himself with his eyes trained on the two men having sex on his screen, images of women would flood his mind.

He thought maybe it would work if he imagined men he was familiar with, men he knew somewhat. It was embarrassing, but he tried to imagine Orihara-san and Heiwajima-san having sex, but that didn't work, either. His penis would remain flaccid, and he would remain ashamed.

So, he would give up.

He would give up and touch himself and think about _her _and only her.

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><p>"Hey, Mi~ka~do~! Let's go pick up dudes!"<p>

Mikado's best fried, Kida Masaomi, was leaning over him, and looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed like usual.

Mikado scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea," he mumbled.

"Not a good idea?" Masaomi's eyes widened to a comical extent. "You are sorely mistaken, my friend. It's only the greatest idea in the whole wide universe!" Masaomi emphasized his point by stretching out his arms.

Mikado merely shook his head. "I'm sorry, Masaomi," he said, "but I have homework I need to do."

He stood up, hoping to make a getaway, but, unfortunately, his best friend was persistent. Masaomi grabbed him by the arm, a pout forming on his lips.

"But Mi~ka~do, it's everything a growing boy like yourself could want! Older guys have great pecs, great abs…" Masaomi's voice lowered a notch and he winked. "…and _killer _asses."

Mikado frowned. "I said I was busy," he muttered.

Suddenly, Masaomi's eyes lit up in recognition, and a smirk formed on his lips. "Oh, I get it," he said, eyes narrowing mischievously. "You're just jealous 'cause you want me all to yourself. That's so sweet, Mikado."

"That's not it at all, Masaomi."

Mikado meant for those words to come out in his usual weary tone, but they ended up having an edge to them. Masaomi's cheerful demeanor immediately vanished, his expression becoming serious.

"Hey, man," he said, "what's wrong?"

"Me" was what Mikado wanted to say, but he only sighed. Masaomi truly looked concerned, and that only made Mikado feel guilty. He couldn't keep something this big from his best friend. And it wasn't like Masaomi would stop being friends with him if he knew, right? He wouldn't make fun of him, right?

Mikado took a deep breath. "If I tell you what's wrong," he said softly, "do you promise not to laugh?"

Masaomi nodded. "I promise, man. Whatever it is, I won't think any less of you."

Mikado swallowed. He had to spit it out. He couldn't run away from this forever.

"…I'm straight," he mumbled under his breath.

"Sorry. I couldn't catch that."

"I'm straight!" Mikado shouted. Masaomi's eyes widened. "I-I like girls! I've always liked girls!"

As soon as he blurted out those words, Mikado's face began to heat up with shame, and he averted his eyes. He couldn't believe he had just confessed his deepest darkest secret. He would never be able to face Masaomi again.

"Hey, it's okay." A hand was placed on Mikado's shoulder, and he looked up. Masaomi was smiling at him. "I mean…it's a little surprising, but you can't help who you like. I can even help you pick up girls if you want."

"R-really? You're not freaked out?"

"No way!" Masaomi exclaimed, his smile widening. "I just never would have guessed. You don't seem like the type."

Mikado's eyebrows shot up. "…There's a type?"

Masaomi shrugged. "I dunno. I guess you can tell sometimes. Do you want me to let you in on a little secret?" Mikado nodded, so he continued. "I was _heterocurious _for awhile."

"Heterocurious?"

"Yeah." Masaomi rubbed the back of his neck. "I experimented with this girl for a little bit, but it ended up not working out. Anyway, have you told anyone else about this?"

Mikado shook his head.

"You should! Just bring it all out in the open!" He patted Mikado on the back. "It's time Ryugamine Mikado came out of the closet!"

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><p>Walker stumbled into the van, spilling a pile of yaoi manga onto a seat in the process. "You guys are never gonna believe this!" he exclaimed.<p>

Erika looked up from her Konata x Kagami doujinshi. "What? The newest volume of Junjo Romantica come out?"

"No, Mikado-kun is straight!"

Erika's eyes widened. "Woah, you mean he likes girls?"

"Yep. Told me himself." He settled in next to Togusa who was leaning against Kadota's shoulder. "It's kinda sad, though," he said. "Masaomi-kun's love will go unrequited."

"Yeah," Erika said thoughtfully, "it's kinda like a dead-end in a dating sim. Mikado-kun no longer has a match."

"You don't know that," Kadota said as Togusa snuggled closer to him. "The kid might find someone."

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><p>- - -Tanaka Taro has signed on- - -<p>

Kanra: Oh, Tanaka~! You've been away for sooooooo long~! I thought you abandoned us! DD:

Setton: It's nice to see you back.

Tanaka Taro: …There's something I need to tell you guys.

Kanra: Ooh~~! You're getting so serious now! ^^ I wonder what it could possibly be~!

Tanaka Taro: …

Setton: It's okay, Tanaka. You can tell us.

Tanaka Taro: …I'm straight.

Kanra: ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tanaka Taro: I've always known I liked girls.

Kanra: Wow! That's the big secret? I can't believe it~! Just don't come after me! I don't swing that way~!

Tanaka Taro: I wouldn't.

Kanra: Awwwwwwww! Now Tanaka is saying I'm too ugly to go after! =( How cruel~!

Setton: Thank you for telling us, Tanaka. I realize that's…a hard thing to tell someone else.

Mikado smiled. Things seemed to be working out.

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><p>There was only one person left to tell, and that person would be the hardest.<p>

"Um, Ryugamine -kun, you said there was something you needed to say to me?"

Anri had her head cocked to the side, eyes inquisitive and face composed. Mikado swallowed.

"Um, i-it's just that…Sonohara-san…"

She watched him as he fumbled with his words, struggling to find the best way to put it. He swallowed again and laughed nervously.

"I-it's just that I'm…"

Different. Abnormal. A _freak._

No.

"I-I'm straight!" Mikado spluttered out. "I like girls, and I-I….I've liked you for a long time. And I know you like girls, so you won't accept my feelings, but I just need to get this off my chest because—"

"Ryugamine-kun."

"B-because I've been lying to myself and—"

And, at that moment, Mikado shut up because Anri's lips were pressed against his. They were soft and warm, and, when she pulled back, her cheeks were flushed, and she was smiling at him.

"It's okay," she whispered, "because I think I like boys."

Mikado smiled, bringing a hand to his tingling lips. Maybe it was okay being straight.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>Yeah, I don't know either. Review?**  
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